UK Christians have labelled “dangerous” and “naive”, an announcement by supernatural messiah Jesus Christ that he is planning to manifest at the migrant refugee camp in Calais later this year.
A well-padded Church of England vicar briefly abandoned his Sunday dinner to expostulate indignantly: “Well, i never! I mean: there is all this lovely stuff in the Gospels about rich men and camels and being nice to people. But i read all about it when i studied Divinity at Oxford and was assured that that stuff is not meant to be taken literally.”
Out to lunch
Mrs Edna Disgusted, 69, went further. She said: “Who does this Jesus Christ think he is? I’ve been a committed Christian all my life, and i’ve never seen him in my church on a Sunday. We don’t need some long-haired hippy coming over here and preaching all this unBritish rubbish.
“I say send him back to Galilee or wherever he came from. And if that doesn’t work, string him up. Crucifixion’s too good for him!”
Responding on behalf of Jesus Christ, the Archangel Gabriel tweeted: “Which bit of “feeding the hungry” and “inviting the stranger” in to your house do people not get?”
He added: “There may have been mention of the Kingdom of Heaven belonging to the righteous: self-righteous really doesn’t count”.
Rot in Hell
However, Tory MP and staunch supporter of Romford Conservative Christian Fellowship, Andrew Rosindell, 49, hit back. He said: “This is an insensitive thing to do.
“We are facing a grave crisis. Jesus Christ should be careful not to start looking as if he is making political points out of this.”
Jesus Christ is 2015.