Lorry crisis: Kent closes borders to Surrey, Sussex, London



Kent may next week close its borders to neighbouring counties, in a last ditch attempt to protect their county from “swarms” of lorries that have infiltrated the M2 and brought terror to the outskirts of Paddock Wood.

Police have drawn up plans for roadblocks at key crossing points at Dartford and Sevenoaks, and could be deploying sniffer dogs trained to detect illegal Londoners as early as Tuesday.

Boris Johnson

However, opposition groups claim such a move is “too little, too late”. They are demanding more radical measures, including the erection of a 20-foot wall across the north of the county, the refortification of Maidstone, and the extradition and trial of “the lorry-drivers’ friend”, Mayor of London, Boris Johnson.


A spokesman for the Kent County politburo explained: “We may, in the past, have benefited from lorrydrivers – or lorryists, as we are now calling them – through roadside sales of gallons of weak tea and semi-cooked beefburgers.

“In recent weeks, however, the bottom line has been turned on its head. Instead of profiting from their exploitation, we are actually having to spend squillions on looking after them. Obviously this is quite unreasonable and something needs to be done.

“So we will be spending even more squillions to make sure the problem goes somewhere else”.

He added: “Let’s see how those toffs in Surrey and Sussex like it!”


Local resident, Mrs Edna Disgusted, of Tonbridge Wells, was more forthright. She said: “Just who do these lorrydrivers think they are, coming over here in their thousands, camping out on our motorways, peeing in the bushes, leaving crisp packets everywhere…

“Hanging is too good for them. String ‘em up, I say.”

Mrs Disgusted is completely barking.

Note: Graphic image above is sourced from Wikipedia and is attributed to Sceptre (Flickr) under a Creative Commons License. If i have this wrong, please let me know!

About janefae

On my way from here to there
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